FRIDAY, March 27
James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” And he said to them, “What is it you want me to do for you?” And they said to him, “Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” But Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?” They replied, “We are able.”
— Mark 10:35-39a
At this point in the Gospel of Mark, Jesus and his disciples begin their journey to Jerusalem. On the way, Jesus tries once again to explain what is to come—his suffering, death and resurrection—but the disciples still don’t get it. They do not want to believe that their teacher and friend will endure such suffering.
Their denial is such that James and John come to him and ask if they can be the equivalent of a chief minister and lord chamberlain by sitting at his right and left hand in glory. Instead of being impressed by their wish to serve, Jesus scolds them. Clearly, they are envisioning a future that is the opposite of God’s plan.
Oh, how many times I’ve done that! When I joined the Convent, I prayed for God to use me in any capacity to build up the church and the religious life. I was grateful for the opportunity to live and serve in New York City in a ministry to the unhoused. Every day, I prayed fervently to do all I could for my Savior. At the end of every one of those prayers, I would always ask, “And please, God, whatever you do, please don’t let me ever be elected Sister Superior.”
And guess what God did? In 2018, the Superior told me I’d be coming back to the mother house from New York. I was heartbroken. I did not want to leave my ministry there, and I did not want to leave all my friends and colleagues. The community insisted, though, and I grudgingly came home. When I returned from New York that summer, various Sisters kept pulling me aside and whispering that they wanted to elect me Superior. That was why I had been told to return to Mendham.
I prayed, “OK, God, we talked about this. Remember? That is the one thing I cannot do. I am woefully unqualified! Surely these nuns will come to their senses if you intervene! Please Lord, take this cup from me.”
In spite of my pleas and my fervent attempts to keep my story on my track, I was elected Superior less than a year after I made my life profession to become a nun.
My prayer after the election was, “All right, God, if you’re going to force me to face my fears, you’ll have to run this community through me. I cannot do it, but I can be the instrument of your will for us.” This past December, I was re-elected to a second fiveyear term.
The disciples were focused on their own vision of Jesus reigning supreme on an earthly throne with a firm hierarchy of disciples in place. God’s plan was, as always, much better.
Reflect: When has God made you face your fears? How did you feel about God’s plan as opposed to your own?
This Lenten Meditation can be found at Episcopal Relief and Development
